Wednesday, March 7, 2012

I Need a Man Like A Pie Crust

Flaky, warm and tender. Sounds like an ok man to me.

Last night something weird happened.

As I stumbled home from happy hour I decided to check my emails. I found one that was so rude and annoying that I wrote back a snarky retort (still funny this morning without the help of alcohol). As I lay in bed grimacing while drifting off into sleep, I had a moment where I HILARIOUSLY compared men to pie crusts and then thought I must remember this and blog about it tomorrow.

For the life of me, I can not remember what the analogy was. All I remember is that it was brilliant and actually made me laugh out loud.

Now let me explain to you this annoying email and why I had pie crust induced profound wisdom. Things are going to get weird. You are about to delve into the dark recesses of my mind and actually see what its like when I'm trying to be "flirty."

A couple of days ago I did what I never thought I would do. I blame half of this on my sister for saying that she thought I would 'have fun' and I blame the rest on commercials. I joined It wasn't pretty. I filled out the info and uploaded some lame pic of me playing with my hair and another one of me drinking four margaritas at once (I wanted some truth in the profile).

One question asked was name your favorite book where I wrote: I read all the time. I don't have a favorite book.

And this is true. I do read all the time. I just finished reading some Vonnegut, have a fantasy novel at work, and reading a sci fi novel of my dads at night. I never claimed that I read great books, but seriously, I do read.

Under the tab of "what I'm looking for" I actually wrote this:

Its all quite simple with me. I'm looking for someone who is easy to get along with that makes me laugh. You must be the creative type and be ok with acting silly and goofy from time to time. I don't take myself too seriously, and you shouldn't either. You also should be an adventurous eater since I love to cook and I love trying new restaurants in town. I want to add that I like nice people! And I want a smart and funny guy with a bit of a snarky side. I want him to know the difference between there, their, and they're and text me correctly.

Short and simple, and I agree with my list of wants. However, there is a fine line between being snarky and being an asshole. You have to have finesse to be snarky. I am Snarky, Tim of Let Me Think For You is snarky, Pish of PishPoshBlog is snarky. None of us are assholes (intentionally anyways).

So this dude writes me this email:

Hey, I would like to introduce myself and just say I'll probably be one of the funniest most entertaining people you'll ever meet, not sure about snarky, but funny.....Anyways, I really doubt you "read all the time" so how about you tell me something truthful about yourself?

First off, he didn't introduce himself, so he is stupid. Secondly, SO MANY grammatical errors! Third, he had an annoying profile about how he only meets "crazy girls" who have tons of cats. And lastly, don't call me a liar, asshole.

So here is my response:

If you have to introduce yourself as funny, you usually are not. I would love to get together sometime. Unfortunately, I wont be able to since I have a hoard of cats and a stack of Cliff Notes to get to so I seem well read.


This is where I decided that is NOT for me. I judge everyone. Everyone on it looks suspicious and very lonely. And if those profile pics are the BEST images people can find of themselves, then SB is not doing so well in the looks department. I have officially erased my page.

Also, just announcing here that I seriously don't care to date anymore. The initially rush of running around trying to find someone cute and cool has really died down for me. I don't care anymore. I have good girlfriends. I can go out any night of the week and have fun. I'm taking salsa classes, line dancing and possibly a painting class. I'm good.

However, I do have a date tonight. But I can't blog about him yet. He's been too normal. ;)


  1. Replies
    1. Is that because you helped? Hoard of cats was pretty good.

  2. I give the whole thing two thumbs up!

    1. Oh THAT'S how you're gonna be! haha. Screw you! You KNOW I have zero game.

  3. He better not be the guy with the dog!!

    I would have said, "actually I do read all the time. I'm reading now. For example, I am reading you like a book. You're a single, lonely guy who blames women for everything and lies about himself so he assumes everyone else does too. Anyway, I read well enough to know that you don't read, or write, at my level. Toodles"

    Thanks for the shout out!!

    Let's form a Snark-Not-Assholes Club? Snark-Not-Asshole-Club for K's(penkies). SNACK. Ya!

  4. Oh man Pish, I have no clue who the man with the dog is. I feel like everyone I date has a damn dog. But ya, what a freak. And I like your retort!! And I want our club to happen. Down with assholes, up with snark!

  5. You're exactly right. It goes for most things. "Show me, don't tell me." Now I will 'please prove I'm not a robot' ....