Wednesday, February 1, 2012

And So it Begins!

If only we were all this lucky in love!

Oh my god. So its been almost EXACTLY two years from my last post and sad to say, but not much has changed. Still single, still love food and drink...which leads me to my first rant of the year.

One of the gals I work with suggested I make a fake People Magazine article outlining the reasons why Sam and I broke up after 2 years and insert it into all the magazines at the salon. I'm starting to believe this is a good idea. I didn't realise how invested some people were in my relationship. Apparantly some people are distraught over this breakup. More so, people are distraught over me being single. Here is a DAILY conversation of mine:

Person: So hows your boyfriend?
Me: I'm sure he's fine, but we broke up.
Person: WHA??? Seriously? WHY?
Me: We grew apart. We weren't a great match.
Person: How OLD are you?
Me: 29
Person: Well you better get out there and find someone!
Me: ok
Person: Have you EVER been married?
Me: No.
Person: Have you been close?? I mean, you have HAD to been close to it at some point! Right? Right????
Me: Ummm....what?

I have literally had this conversation at least 3 times this month. Let me ask you, what is "coming close" to marriage? Why are people asking me this? I'm not sure why someone would think that "coming close" to being married is good at all! What would be the benefit of "coming close?" It can only imply that I'm insane. If one were to come close to marriage there could be only one of three options:

Option 1: You bailed on your wedding. Or worse, you were the one who was stood up.
Option 2: You proposed and your beau said no.
Option 3: Your beau was going to propose and then realized you were a scag, so he didn't.

Right. So, no. I have not come close.

I now believe that single people scare the shit out of coupled people. Happy Early Valentine's Day.


  1. You forgot Option 4: Drive By.

    You got close but shot up the place instead and peeled out in a blaze of glory.

    Now that's a good ^&*( story and I recommend you tell it the next time someone asks.

    Fuck people and their none of their business questions. I was just telling your sister the other day this lady who I hardly know and haven't seen for 8 months ran into me yesterday and her FIRST question was "are you still with the same boyfriend?"

    What kind of a-hole question is that? a) Yes I'm with the same boyfriend, are you surprised? Disappointed? b) No I'm not with the same boyfriend. I'm a whore. Right? WTF

    Also, my mom is the worst at the kind of questions you're getting. She didn't even like my ex and she keeps saying well WHYYYY can't you meet someone else? WHY? When are you going to have babies? You want babies right? When are you getting married? ARE YOU GAY?

  2. Also yes, single people do scare the shit out of couples. When your sis and I were in grad school these horrible people started only having other couples over and not single people - like why? It wasn't a play date with the kids. The stupid wife was so insecure she would only accept couples. And your sister. Everyone loves your damn sister.

    Anyway, we should treat Valentine's Day like Halloween. Let's go terrorize some kiddies. Let's dress up as super single people and scare some couples.

  3. People ask me crazy questions because mainly people tell me crazy personal things about their own lives. Comes with the territory of being a hair stylist I guess. I'm ok with people asking me about my dating life, I'm not ok with people assuming something is amiss in my life since I'm not married or squeezing out children.

  4. Oh yeah: married people with children TOTALLY get mad about single people or people without children. It makes them realize how lame and boring their lives are. People were always saying weird thigns to me when I was single. And now that I'm not single but I don't have children, people are ALWAYS saying crap to me. Things like: "No kids??? Well YOU must have a lot of time on your hands." I want to say "I have free time. You have free time. Your free time just consists of child rearing and it fells like work. My free time is fun." But I don't say that. I just nod.....And I agreee: getting "close" to marriage isn't exactly a good thing. Nor is getting married too young and missing out on life. And it's not like marriage is so awesome anyway. Most married people are unhappy. How many marriages end in divorce?? People are lame.

    1. Why would you have SO much time on your hands just cause you don't have kids? As if you have NOTHING going on in your life? You work and you have an active social life. You're not sitting around twiddling your thumbs wishing you could fill your hours with crap filled diapers.