Friday, February 17, 2012

Whoa Nelly

This guy sucks at his job.

Ok, so its only been days since the last post and I have wanted to say SO many things. Problem is, when you have a blog that isn't so private, and you actually post pics of yourself and your real name, you kinda limit yourself as to what you can write. But I have zero qualms about embarrassing myself (part of my charm) so I'm gonna take a risk here:

Single life is exhausting. It really is. I feel the need to go to EVERYTHING I am invited to. I don't work out anymore, I don't even eat dinner. I go to work and then find something to do in the PM leaving me very little time to do anything like eat or sleep or clean. I have somehow become my male 20 yr old counterpart. I eat like shit and drink too much beer while the dishes are piling up. Hot right?

Instead of reading a book and eating a sensible meal, I now stand under heat lamps, smoking cigarettes (weird) and actually have my leather jacket melt while deep in mindless conversation. I don't even know this girl anymore...but she's having a lot of fun.

Out of the countless bizarre things that have happened in two weeks, I will retell one great story. I meet and go out with a firefighter, and in the events of ONE night the following happens:

It was a blind date. I was told he was 5'10" and he was more like 5'6". Not like it matters, but come on! What a weird lie. Easily debunked. Within seconds he says, "Are you sure you're 5'2?" Ummmm, yes. Yes I am. I so wanted to punk him on his obvious height lie, but whatever, too easy of a jab.

We went to have beers at a local pub. Conversation was going well and I excused myself to the restroom. I fixed my makeup a bit and blotted my nose. When I returned, dude says the following:

Did you just put on more lip gloss?

Umm, ya. Why?

Cause it's distracting.


Well, you're mouth isn't really your best feature. Your eyes are. So you should wipe off your lipstick and maybe put on more eye makeup next time.

Ill take that into consideration.

WEIRD!!!! Why would you ever say that to someone?? I may not know a lot of things, but I do know that this is an instant way to piss off ANY girl. Our next gem of a conversation goes something like this:

Ive been single for 2 years now. My last girl friend and I were together for over 3 years.

Oh. What happened?

Well we went out one night, and I saw her give her number to another guy. I went up to her and broke it off right then and there and never talked to her again.

Wow! Just like that? After 3 years?? Well, maybe it was a misunderstanding??

Well maaaaaaaaybe you're an idiot.

So let me get this straight.... Homeboy broke off a 3yr relationship like a crazy person, lies about his height, disgraces my makeup skills, and I'M the idiot??? Projection much?

To cause further confusion, he sends a very nice bouquet the next day to me at work thanking me for such a great date. WAS I ON THE SAME DATE??! I have no clue.

Ok. Game over. Do not pass not collect $200. I want none of this.

On food related stuff: I enjoyed two pints of Anchor Steam Ale. Nice amber color, deliciously frothy, very hoppy and well balanced.


  1. Oh my God!!! What an asshole!!! I can't believe he commented on your lip gloss and then told you you were an idiot. What is wrong with guys?? And the way he broke up with his girlfriend??? What a creep!!!! (By the way, why don't you make your blog anonymous and migrate it over to another website.)

    1. Im thinking that I need to become anonymous VERY soon. I have SUCH great stories that I can not talk about at all at this moment. DANG it!!

  2. Wtf?! You are so GORGEOUS. I'm not being nice. Like you are a knockout and I'm sure this dweeb just had to feel like he had to put you down to make himself feel less intimidated. Men hate beautiful women sometimes (some men) because it makes them feel like wimps. So okay he'll insult you, that will make him feel like a big man. And also, guys who lie about their height to that extreme are idiots. How embarrassing for him.

    That's like a B-Cup saying she's a D-cup or vice versa. Pathetic.

    I will bet you one million dollars that it is not at ALL how the relationship ended. I bet you there is a totally different story from the girlfriend, like oh say... he was a big baby, always jealous and controlling, always wanted her to stick a pinky up his butt, so some guy hit on her and she was friendly to him, and Short-Dude here saw that and threw a fit and so she dumped him, and then he cried and begged for her and she laughed and so now he acts like it was all her.

    I know this type of guy too well. This guy who gives all the signs of being intimidated by the woman. He's the idiot.

    So when you say you're having "fun" is it fun? I was kind of going out all the time a few years ago and it was like I couldn't stop. Now I never go out. Both, for me anyway, are too extreme. I gotta find some middle ground.

    1. I should say that I find it all fun. These are the stories that will keep me company when I'm old. These battle scars are funny and ridiculous. Being the pessimist that I am, I only post the bad experiences. I need anonymity if I am to post the stuff that stalls my heart.

  3. Stalls you heart???? Now I GOTS to know. :)

  4. What an idiot. Him, I mean. You don't correct a girl's makeup EVER. Until at LEAST the third date. First dates are for correcting a lady's english, including noun-verb agreement, and her manners.

    1. Haha! Yes, that is third date behavior only! How dare he jump the shark!

  5. You know what I just thought??? I bet he read that weird dating book by that weird Mystery guy and was trying the "techniques" on you. He was "negging" you and then the flowers were some part of the ritual. Did he call himself some "whimsical" name? Like serpent or something?

  6. Funny about the technique thing, cause I thought the same thing! Isn't that book called, "The Rules" or something? Anyway, acting like an asshole does NOT work on me. Gifts and shameless flattery does.

    And for the "stalls my heart" comment, I didn't mean that in some romance way. I meant it more as shock. I keep running into the same person EVERYWHERE I go. It bizarre but kinda cool. Like Liz Lemon and Wesley.

  7. I think it's called the Mystery Method. Or maybe something like How to be a Pick Up Artist (like the TV show.) I think The Rules is another lame technique directed towards women.